Conversation
Having a Conversation
Keeping a conversation going, taking turns in it, and knowing the conventions well enough to choose when to use them.
- Mastered by
- Two-turn exchanges by about 3
- Practice items
- 108
- Sections
- 9
What keeps a conversation going
These are the conventions most people follow, not rules about the right way to talk. They are worth knowing because so much runs on them — making a friend, an interview, explaining what hurts.
Drivers — keep it going
- Ask about them. A question hands the turn over. It is the strongest driver there is.
- Say something related. It shows you were listening and gives them somewhere to go next.
- Add a detail of your own. "I have a dog too - he is huge" gives them something to ask about.
- Follow their topic for a turn or two. Even one turn on their subject before yours makes it feel shared.
- Notice when they stop. Short answers and no questions back usually mean they are done, not that you did something wrong.
- Say you want to talk about something else. Out loud is easier than expected: "Can I tell you about my game now?" works.
Stoppers — it stalls here
- One-word answers. Nothing to hold onto. "Yes" ends it; "Yes, and we went twice" does not.
- Changing the subject with no bridge. Most people find it hard to follow. Naming the jump fixes it.
- Only asking, never telling. It turns into an interview, and the other person gets tired.
- Only telling, never asking. The other person has no way in. This is the one to practice for interviews and new people.
- Correcting small things. True but costly - most people read it as being told off.
- Talking over the top. Sometimes it is enthusiasm, not rudeness. Most people still read it as being cut off.
Enders — how to finish one
The move most often left untaught. A child who can start a conversation and keep it going but cannot close it either walks off mid-sentence or stays stuck in one they wanted out of ten minutes ago.
- Say a wrap-up line. "Anyway..." or "Well, I should go" tells the other person it is ending, so it is not a surprise.
- Give a reason if you have one. "I have to get to class" - it does not have to be a good reason, it just has to be a reason.
- Say something warm about it. "It was good to see you" or "Tell me how it goes" leaves the door open for next time.
- Say goodbye out loud. The actual word. Walking off without it is the part people notice and remember.
- It is allowed to end one you are not enjoying. Wanting out is a fine reason. The moves above are how, not permission you have to earn.
Two ways of talking, not one right one
What this skill is
A conversation keeps going when each turn gives the other person something to do with it. A question hands the turn straight over; a related comment or a detail of your own leaves a door open. It stops when a turn closes the door - a one-word answer, or a jump to something new with no bridge.
What to expect
Neurodivergent and neurotypical people often converse differently, and different is not worse. Talking at length about something you love is a way of sharing it. Parallel play is company. Scripts and repeated phrases are real communication. A child who does these things is not failing at conversation. What is genuinely useful to teach is the second set of moves - asking something back, following the other person's topic for a turn - so a child can switch into them when the situation calls for it and switch out when it does not. The aim is a child with two options, not a child who sounds like somebody else.
Try this at home
When to refer
Put it into practice
Tap any item below to open it full screen, one at a time, so a child can answer without reading the answer first.
These activities are a starting point, not the practice itself. A structured task is a good way to introduce a form and to find out whether a child has it yet. What actually moves it into everyday speech is using it in the real world and in ordinary play — which means the four things below matter more than finishing the list.
Recast
Say their sentence back correctly, without asking them to repeat it. Child: “he goed.” You: “he went! Where did he go?”
Expand
Add one or two words to what they said and hand it back. Child: “big truck.” You: “a big red truck!”
Simplify what you ask
Cut a long instruction into single steps and say them in the order they happen, rather than repeating the long one louder.
Follow their lead
Use whatever they are already playing with. A form practiced on something they chose is the one that shows up again tomorrow.
Ask a Question Back
12 itemsRead the statement. The child asks three questions that fit it. Any three that fit count - the answer shown is only an example. Then swap over: you answer, and let them hear their own questions get replies. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Say Something Related
12 itemsSame statements, different move: instead of a question, the child says something of their own that connects. It shows they were listening and it leaves the other person somewhere to go. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Ending a Conversation
12 itemsRead the situation. The child says how they would end it. Any version with a wrap-up line and an actual goodbye counts - the answer shown is one way, not the way. Practice both directions: ending one you are enjoying, and ending one you want out of. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Question or Comment?
12 itemsRead what the second person said. Was it a question or a related comment - and did it keep the conversation going or end it? Both good answers are fine; the one to notice is the closed door. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards: Kindergarten and first grade12 moreOpen ↓Close ↑
One question, then both of you answer it - the grown-up too. There is no right answer and nothing to score; the point is the turns. Play it in the game to keep track of who has been talking. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards: Second and third grade12 moreOpen ↓Close ↑
One question, then both of you answer it - the grown-up too. There is no right answer and nothing to score; the point is the turns. Play it in the game to keep track of who has been talking. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards: Fourth and fifth grade12 moreOpen ↓Close ↑
One question, then both of you answer it - the grown-up too. There is no right answer and nothing to score; the point is the turns. Play it in the game to keep track of who has been talking. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards: Sixth to eighth grade12 moreOpen ↓Close ↑
One question, then both of you answer it - the grown-up too. There is no right answer and nothing to score; the point is the turns. Play it in the game to keep track of who has been talking. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards: High school12 moreOpen ↓Close ↑
One question, then both of you answer it - the grown-up too. There is no right answer and nothing to score; the point is the turns. Play it in the game to keep track of who has been talking. Tap any item to open it full screen.
Conversation Cards
Open full screen →Pick an age, read the card, and both of you answer it — the grown-up too. Tap whoever is talking and the pie shows the shape of the conversation. It is a picture, not a score, and it is just as useful for noticing that the grown-up has done most of the talking.
Which age?